Sunday 31 August 2008

LAST JUDGEMENT











The judging team have worked hard into the night. The results are in. Before I say anything else, I would just like to say that we are a judging team educated at a Froebel Demonstration School. That means we don't really care about rules and we prefer play over, well, pretty much everything else. With that proviso, I would like to announce that the Committee have decided to make the following awards this year:



Most Creative Use of Marrow. And also Marrow - Amanda, Someone Else's Kitchen
Outlaw Degenerate Supreme (Prize awarded with respect to grey squirrel raising) - Zoë
Miss Tiggy Winkle Prize for Most Distinguished Loon Out Over a Hedgehog - Matthew Wilson
Friedrich Froebel Memorial Medal for the Least Competitive Spirit - Simon
Health and Safety Department Award for Good Hygiene in Baby Pig Licking - Lottie
Le Gateau le Plus Efficace En Prenant Des Photos Des Petits Animaux - Fat Rascal 
Chicktastic Prize for the Chickiest Chicks (sponsored by Heat Magazine) - Maggi
Most Unabashed Knitting Nicking - Mrs J of Cambridge
Most Disgusting Group Sex Photo (Snail Category) - also Mrs J, Cambridge
Best Photo of a Rapid Unroped Feline Ascent Through Three Metres of Wall - Anonjan
Elegant Cake Award for the most Wilful Attempt to Get Round Current Government Daily Guidelines on Recommended Servings of Fruit and Veg - Happy Mouffetard
Most Inadvertently Rude Cake - Black Finger Nail
Mankiest Tomato - Carol from May Dreams. A particularly fine specimen, the Committee noted. 
Tallest Sunflower - at thirteen feet, the easy winner was Swimmom Krissi.
Widest Sunflower - Helen at patientgardener
Fattest Pig - WH - who also takes with this snapshot, we are happy to announce, the Sir Gregory Parsloe Parsloe prize for the best digital cheating.
Most Genuinely Fat, Actually Weighed, Pig - Sarah Salway for "Freight Train" 
Finest Stalking of Chris Beardshaw or Similar - Arabella Sock, for the 7th year running.As a result Committee took a unanimous decision to award Mrs Sock the lifetime achievement medal in this category, thus leaving the section open for new talent to develop in the coming year. 
Nature is Ruder than Fiction - Arabella Sock, for the astonishingly, but actually real, chilli. 
Neatest Allotment, plus the Award for Extraordinary Talent in Producing Sunflowers Without Any Actual SummerGlosterWomble 
Prettiest Beetroots - Mark Diacono at Otter Farm 
Criminally Good Tomatoes - Iris, Society Garlic
Tastiest-Looking Overall Prize for Fruits - Mrs Celestria Alexander-Sinclair
Most-in-Focus Cup, Sponsored by Dollond and Aitchison - WH, for six cherry tomatoes
Absolutely Splendiferously Beauteous Floral Display Including Six Tomatoes - Easygardener from Green Forks
Marvellous Mauve Trophy for Most Glamorously Presented Vegetable Display - Miss Hathorn at Mustard Plaster 
Empire Postato Building Award for Tuber Gigantism - Easygardener from Green Forks
Boo to the Olympics Gold Medal for Vegetative Achievement in the Face of Urban "Regeneration"  - Colleen from rus in urbis 
Alicante RIP Memorial Shield For Variety and Excellence in Tomato Growing - Miss Hathorn at Mustard Plaster
"I Bite Your Blight" Monster Tomato Prize - Yolanda Elizabet tying in a dead points heat with Karen from artistsgarden
Floral Arrangement in the Style of James Alexander-Sinclair - to Yolanda Elizabet for outstanding effort in this category. Runner-up with special mention, J. Alexander-Sinclair. 
Fruit Scone Quality Shield - LindfieldMan
Doily Decorative Achievement - LindfieldMan
Award for Outstanding Contribution to Scone Research, to the person who, in the Committee's opinion, has done most in the preceding twelve months to enlarge our understanding of the Scone - Patientgardener
Penthouse Playmate Award for the Men Only Victoria Sandwich - WH
Not Called Artist For Nothing Cup for the Finest Homemade Seed Receptacles - karen from artistsgarden
Best Animated Short Film Concerning a Continental Pastry or Cake - Arabella Sock
Penile Solanaceae Similarity Shield to Jane at Procrastinators' Progress
The World in a Miniature Garden Trophy for Meaningful Garden Design on a Conceptual Level for Inspiring Spiritual Struggle and Universal Achievements Such as the Olympics - James Alexander-Sinclair

Finally we come to the competition's most hotly-contested categories. These were of course, the hardest to judge. 

Celebrity Portrait in Fruit or Veg 
The Committee agreed the standard had been outstanding and that many of the entrants could have competing in this category at international level. A winner must be chosen, however. First Prize to Lottie for Carrot Klein, followed by Second to James Alexander Sinclair for Wayne and Colleen, and Third to Easygardener for Brangelina Twins Viv and Knox. Well done to all. 

Best Paparazzi-Style Picture of Matthew Wilson, Chris Beardshaw or similar
A fiercely-fought category, as you'd expect from this crowd. 
Third Prize to James A-S for a granny-pleasing shot of Alan Titchmarsh's well-rounded behind. Second Prize to Matthew Wilson for his photo of, hmm, himself. And finally First Prize to VP for Joe and Rachella's glum moment of darkness. A proper off-camera moment captured with great paparazzi skill. 

Sarah Raven Prize for Flower Arranging - After much careful consideration the Committee decided that, in their opinion the arranger channelling most effectively the spirit of Raven was patientgardener. Well done to all entrants as the Committee agreed the standard this year was particularly high. 

Emsworthian Medal for Achievement Across All Categories - Veg Plotting, with particular mention for her Willow Weaving, her dark and thoughtful venture into Programmatic Flower Arranging, and her gorgeous and day-brightening-up Five Dahlias. 



Thank you to all who competed, it has been a most enjoyable affair and all the Committee would like to pass on their thanks to the entrants as well as to the organisers of the event. Our final task is just to announce the winners of the prize giveaway: all the entrants were entered, and four names were picked from a hat earlier by my lovely assistant Samuelantha, as evidenced in the following photo:














The winners are Arabella Sock, Mrs J of Cambridge, LindfieldMan, and Zoë. I will be sending you each a nice present.

23 comments:

Helen/patientgardener said...

Wow - thats 3 awards I have never won anything like that before. You have made my grey and rainy Monday morning. My sons will be so proud of me - well maybe not but they enjoyed the scones!!!

emmat said...

Your contribution to Sconedom alone should surely bring you some domestic acclaim? And I thought your flower arrangement was gyooorgeous

Helen/patientgardener said...

What happened to the dahlias and sweet peas - I cant see them on the list.

Anonymous said...

Thank you soooo much - I also have to thank Shedman and digger, my mum, everyone who ever knew me, and my camera,
The "I Bite Your Blight" is such an accolade and I am delighted to be sharing it with Yolanda Elizabet.
Karen - An Artists Garden
(Still gushing as she is led off the stage).

Thank you for organizing it Emma - it was such a fun blog to read - and fun to take part too.
Warm regards
Karen

Anonymous said...

Message from Wyn the kitten.
I'm delighted - thank you all so much.
It makes the hard, lonely hours of training all worthwhile.
In fact, I'm so delighted, that if any of the judges need their wallpaper climbing, I will do at at half my normal charge.
An Autumn Sale offer just for you!

VP said...

You saved the best till last with all the names for your awards. This was so much fun - both to read and take part in :D

I'm really chuffed with my 2 rosettes - thank you!

Congratulations to all winners, especially Zoe, Arabella, Mrs J and LindfieldMan.

emmat said...

Oops we didn't quite manage to do a sweet pea prize did we? Oh well. Tactfully best passed over....

Arabella Sock said...

Great stuff! Two awards and a life-time achievement and a prize! The Sock hasn't felt this happy since Coco the Clown awarded her a prize certificate for writing about the health giving properties of oranges. Actually, come to think of it that didn't make me happy because clowns are a bit spooky and evil..

Fat Rascal said...

Thank you Emma for the accolades, the work you put in and most of all the laughs!

I have realised that I need a baby animal of my own, may soon be time to get a new puppy.

I really enjoyed seeing everybody else's photos and hope VP's Open Garden is an equal success.

HappyMouffetard said...

Wonderful stuff, Emma. Thank you for hosting the show and the fantastic award categories. Dare I ask if this will be an annual event? I'm sure the real version wasn't anywhere near as much fun.

Anonymous said...

Just posted a comment in the wrong place - my only excuse is that it's Monday and it's raining.
I am thrilled with my award - the family are so proud.
My trophy now has pride of place on the mantelpiece (or it would if I had one).
This has been such fun - I too hope for an annual event!

Iris said...

Fabulous results! My first ever online award, too--yippee! Thanks for all the fun, Emma.

Lottie said...

Thank you Emma! Mwah! 2 awards and I made Darce cry - what more could a girl want!

It really has been great fun so a little thank you for all your hard work! You're a star!


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Juliet said...

Thank you Emma! I've really enjoyed the show, so I'm dead chuffed to receive two awards (if slightly dubious ones) and a prize as well! You've done so well in organising it all, & it's in aid of such a good cause that I'll even forgive you for adding an "r" to my "Ms" ;)

Juliet aka Ms J of Cambridge

Anonymous said...

Thank you Thank you!
I'd like to thank my parents, my agent, but most of all this award came down to my own lack of effort in removing potatoes from the garden last year as this fine specimen grew by itself in among some leeks.

Carol Michel said...

Thank you, what a great show, and thank your for making me and my tomato feel so special!

Carol, May Dreams Gardens

Anonymous said...

I knew that hedgehog would take me places....

Anonymous said...

Oh my Chioggia. Prettiest beetroot!? My life is complete, I am whole, I am at one with my patch.

colleen said...

Round of applause and a round of drinks to the judges is in order. Is that a virtual cheer(s) I hear?

Anonymous said...

I am not sure whether I am more excited about my prize or about having a category named after me.
Thrilling.
I am chuffed (as is Mrs A-S) even though I do not fully understand the words of the Judges commendation (I suspect they might have been written while under the influence of Victoria's Tablet - that would be a great name for a shop,by the way, like Victoria's Secrets only with more sugar and fewer lacy extras).
Thank you, Emma, for all your efforts and for an excellent idea. I think there should be a category for Eggs,Beans and Crumpets next year.

Misshathorn said...

Very pleased with my Mauve Trophy and Allicante RIP Memorial Shield. I want to pass on congratulations to my photogenic vegetables, but I've eaten them. Thanks for organizing this bit of fun.

emmat said...

Sorry for marrying you off ms J. I just got so stroppy when the woman from Sarah Raven said "title?" to me on the phone and i went "ms" and she went "ms?" and i was like,... bejaysus it's the 21st century, do we REAALAALALALALY still have to do marital status?

So extremely sorry...

and congratulations to all others. I should have arranged rosettes!

Zoë said...

Bit late catching up with all this... Huge Sorry!!

Thank you for awarding squirrel a prize, he says he will accept it on behalf of all Grey Squirrels!

Zoë